In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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