Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
