we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
