Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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