The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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