Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
