It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
