Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
