pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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