okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
