The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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