the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
