we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
