Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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