Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
