My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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