shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
