as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
