You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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