I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
