is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
