I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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