oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
