Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
