WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
