They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need a beard to bite.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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