I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
