I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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