just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
In America we eat man semen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
