Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
