I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
