I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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