Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
