my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
