I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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