Small penises have feelings too.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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