I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
