Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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