you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
