I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
