So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
