a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
