If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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