I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I smell like Dick and happiness
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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