I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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