A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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