A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
