You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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