Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
