i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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