Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
