there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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