my phone needs a breathalizer
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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