I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
