YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
